Let's Get Groyndin'
by The Almighty Mian
Summary: Hope Estheim is in dire need of something: BADASSNESS. And who better to teach him in the glorious art than the famed queen of badassness, Madam Oerba Yun Fang?
1. Ah Lilil Prowlog

HELLOOO PEOPLE!

This is like, my mostest favoritest fanfic of mine _EVAR._

Disclaimer: Me no own FFXIII. Me fan. Me write fanfic. Me no own FFXIII disc. Belong to bro. Me no own.

I totally exaggerated Fang's accent AND I LOVE IT.

I love Fang. XD

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><p>CHAPTER 1 - Ah Lilil Prowlog<p>

* * *

><p>Somewhere deep inside the Yachas Massif, a Dire Flan dissolved silently as a Firaga hit it full in the face.<p>

"That's how it's done," Lightning Farron muttered, stashing her gunblade back into its holster.

"Good job, Hope," she said, glancing only slightly at the boy who was currently on his knees, panting.

A light sparkled in Hope Estheim's ginormous green eyes at the comment. "R-really, Light?"

He didn't get a reply, however, because Lightning had already set off.

"W-wait..." he panted, trying to get up.

The next second he was roughly pulled to his feet by a hand that had grabbed the back of his scarf, effectively choking him.

"Oi... yah rilly need tah booze yeh aychpey if yah gunna savoyv Gran Pulse, 'Ope."

Hope rubbed his neck, then looked up into Oerba Yun Fang's face.

"Um..." he mumbled, "what?"

Hope yelped, seeing the look on Fang's face.

"Ah sed yah need tah booze yeh aychpey!"

"I need to booze my aged pee?" Hope asked in a small voice.

"OH GOHD FOCKIN' DAMNIT!"

"I'm sorry!"

"Ah. Sed. Yah. Need. Tah. Booze. Yeh. Aych. Pey."

"Ah Cid you need taboos you aged pea?"

"AH SWE TAH THA FOCKIN' CREATAH AH WILL FOCKIN' KILL YAH, 'OPE ESTAYM."

Hope understood that, of course.

"I'm sorry! I really can't understand... You shouldn't say bad words, though..."

"Nevah moynd that! Nah, ah reyaloyz yeh tryin' tah impress Loynin', emma royt?"

"I... of course I'm not!" Hope yelled, his face going red.

"Laya," Fang snorted. "Ah saw it since tha day we met, yah pubescent lilil faggeht."

"I'm not a faggot!"

"Di-nah-yawl," Fang hummed.

"I'm not a faggot, nor am I trying to impress Lightning!"

"Oh rilly? Ah saw a lilil spakle in yeh oys jus as yeh sed heh name."

"Well― alright, fine, I _am _trying to impress Lightning," Hope said, defeated.

"Looks loyk yah need mah 'elp."

"Help? How are you gonna help me?"

"Well, 'Ope, we..." Fang said, a mischievous smirk forming on her face, "ah gunna get groyndin'".

Hope cringed. "Will it... hurt?"

"Noh rilly, depens."

"I don't feel very comfortable if it has something to do with my, erm, groin."

"Ah didin say anthin 'bout yah groyn!"

"What did you say then?"

"Groyndin'!"

"What― oh, grinding! For Crystogen Points! Am I right?"

"Yes, yowah, 'Ope. Congratulayshuns."

"Okay, and then?" Hope said, getting excited.

"Oh coss, ah need tah train you mahself."

"We're gonna duel?"

"Maybey."

"Okay!"

"Well, let's get stathed!" Fang said, walking off.

Hope followed shortly, then Fang glanced at him.

"Mah Gohd yeh oys ah huge."

* * *

><p>YAY, FIRST CHAPTER DONE!<p>

I actually have six chapters as of right now, and this is one of the shorter ones.

OH GOHD FOCKIN' DAMNIT, THAH TOYPIN AH 'AVE TAH DO!

Oh, and by the way, there are no typographical errors in this story.

It's _all Fang. _XD

If there are some lines that you can't understand or some terms and such you have queries about, put it in a review.

I'm going to try baiting my fanfic.

I WILL POST THE SECOND CHAPTER ONLY AFTER THE FIRST THREE REVIEWS.

(Gosh I hope this works)

REVIEW WHORE HERE. XD


	2. Kyuable With

'ELLO EH, MATES!

I got exactly three reviews for the previous chapter. XD

I hope they weren't the same person. o_O

Ahm gunna 'ave tah say thanks tah yah oll!

I know not every FFXIII fan has played the game, so I'll explain most of the stuff in here later.

My favorite chapter.

Onward we go!

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><p>CHAPTER 2 - Kyuable With...<p>

* * *

><p>Fang stepped out onto the Archylte Steppe's central expanse and took in a breath of fresh air.<p>

Hope came out after her, panting, then fell to his knees.

"S-slow down next time... F-Fang..."

And he collapsed.

"Ah think wey need tah booze yeh stamina bafoh weh stat," Fang mused, looking at him lying pathetically on the green, face down.

A gorgonopsid passed by, then paused to look at the fatigued figure on the ground.

Fang waved her spear at the creature. "Oi! 'E ain't feh sale!"

The gorgonopsid gave a hiss, wagged its tail at her, then ran off and ate a passing flan.

Fang poked Hope's butt with the smaller end of her spear. "Oi... mate. Ge' up."

Hope wiggled his butt. "I... am... trying to," he whined.

Fang sighed, then grabbed the back of his scarf again. Hope managed a small yelp before his air supply was cut off.

"Gosh! Will you _please _stop grabbing my scarf?" he choked out.

Fang cringed, let go, and dropped Hope back on the ground, face down.

"Ugh... yeh yoosd thah wohd 'gosh'."

"Whatsh wrong wishat?" Hope asked, his mouth muffled by the dirt (and chocobo shit, but he doesn't know this) his face was nestled in.

"You ah _so gay_."

"No I'm not."

Fang kicked him lightly in the stomach, and he rolled over.

He opened his very large eyes, then closed them again, tired from opening them.

Fang sighed, then pulled a Fortisol from a random fold in her sari. She popped the spray-cap off and threw the contents into Hope's mouth.

Hope's gigantic green eyes popped open, and he leapt to his feet. A look of determination glazed over his features, and he looked more awesomer than everer.

"WOW!" he yelled, waking an adroa in the Tsubaddran Highlands. "I! FEEL! SO! BRAVE! AND! FAITHFUL! AND! HASTY!"

He skipped around the place bravely, faithfully, and hastily, yelling about how fortified and synergized he was.

Fang stared at him, surprised that anyone could be so hyper. And she grew up with Vanille, so that's saying something.

Hope continued to hop about like a druggie, occasionally throwing Blizzaga spells at some unlucky wyverns.

Fang sighed again, deciding it had gone too far when Hope began to dry-hump an adamantoise's leg.

She pulled Hope away with a bear hug, struggling to control the spazzing and twitching teenager.

She threw him on the ground and pinned him there by stabbing the earth on either side of him with her split spear.

"Theh," she said, standing up and admiring her handiwork, A.K.A. a writhing 14-year-old pinned to the ground by a bladed spear while singing old inspirational songs (e.g. I Believe I Can Fly). "Thah shudd hol' 'im feh a bit, ah lees until thah fowthisol wehs off."

She never expected Hope to begin foaming at the mouth.

"W― ah, wazzis?"

Fang took out the empty bottle of Fortisol and read the label at the back.

"Feh extehnull use ownley."

She looked at Hope again, who, in addition to the foaming, had also begun convulsing.

"Ah crap... Lady Luck ain' on moy soyd t'day."

She fumbled around her carrier belt, took out a bottle of painkillers and a bottle of antidote, and then, once more, threw the contents of both into Hope's foaming mouth.

The foaming and shaking eventually stopped, and after a bit Hope got into a sitting position. He groggily opened his humongous eyes and looked at Fang. "I... feel... kinda dazed and foggy..."

Fang looked at the empty bottle of painkillers and read the label again.

"Two pills peh dose feh sixteyn an' below."

She glanced at Hope. "Daze an' Fog, eh? Yah ain' gunna loyk tha kyuh feh thah..."

* * *

><p>Okay, let's begin explaining.<p>

A Fortisol is a shroud used in the game. If you use it, you get bestowed with Brave, Faith and Haste before a battle. It's used outside of battle, meaning during exploration. When it's used, sparkly stuff appears around your characters, like a spray.

Daze and Fog are status ailments. Daze is curable with Foul Liquid, and Fog is curable with Mallets. XD

I guess that's about it. XD

I'd like to thank the people who reviewed:

BrightSparx (moar heavily accented Fang on thah way. My beta-readers read it phonetically, too. XD It's more fun to write Fang's lines than to read them.)

Liz99 (oh, you will see more. You will see more.)

and HBHound [thank you for putting my story and myself on shitloads of stuff (alert, fave, etc.). T'was awesome.]

Thank you all!

I think I should raise the bar a bit higher (living up to my reputation as a review whore) so I'll post the third chapter after the first FIVE reviews of chapter 2!

I am SUCH a sadistic review whore.

Gawd. I love exaggeration.

Preview for the next chapter:

* * *

><p>"Hey Fang, what do we do next?"<p>

"Shuh uhp, 'Ope. Um thinkin'."

The next second, Fang unbuckled her belt, then threw it on the ground.

* * *

><p>But of course that doesn't mean I'll be posting previews for <em>every<em> following chapter. I just felt like it.

TEEHEE


	3. Let Tha Groyndin' Beygin!

AS PROMISED, MAH LOVELIES.

This is such a looong chapter. T^T

I got exactly five reviews for the previous one, too. o_O

I'm beginning to think readers stop posting reviews when they see the bar has been reached.

I really should start writing the seventh chapter soon... o_O

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 3 - Let Tha Groyndin' Beygin!<p>

* * *

><p>Hope rocked back and forth on his heels, his massive green eyes boring into the back of Fang's head.<p>

"Hey, Fang, what do we do next?"

"Shuh uhp, 'Ope. Um thinkin'."

The next second, Fang unbuckled her belt, then threw it on the ground.

"Huh? Hey Fang, what're you..."

Just then Fang pulled her sari off.

Hope yelped, then jumped behind a rock, probably because he couldn't cover his enormous eyes with only his hands.

"Oh, quit beyan such a pusey, 'Ope, ah 'ave undahweh. An' bisoyds, yahv probly alreday seen em' befoh."

"That doesn't change the fact that you're _half-naked!_"

"Hoff naykid? An' which hoff is _naykid_, then, 'Ope?"

"W-well... neither... _but still!_"

Fang snorted. "Gay."

She approached a gorgonopsid, then engaged in a wrestling match with it, trying to tie it up with her sari.

Hope heard the grunts and hisses that ensued, and couldn't help but peek out of the top of his safety rock.

He watched, mesmerized by Fang's strength and the gorgonopsid's struggling. And no, he didn't ogle Fang coughfagcough.

Finally Fang managed to tie it up, and it lay on the ground unmoving.

Hope came out from behind his rock, all discomforts with Fang's attire gone.

"Wow. That was so cool," Hope complimented as Fang held the gorgonopsid up by the tail. "So, are you going to put that guy in a training field somewhere so I can practice on it or― "

Hope gasped sharply when Fang began to gut the animal.

"Fang― " he managed to grunt before he threw up.

He threw up some more when Fang tore a huge chunk of meat off with her bare hands, then nonchalantly threw the carcass over her shoulder like a crumpled piece of paper.

Hope stopped hurling just as Fang was securing her soiled sari in place. She grabbed the gory chunk of meat and began to walk away.

"Fang?" Hope uncertainly after rinsing his mouth in the nearest lake. "What are you going to do with... _that_?" He gestured toward the meat, which was leaving a bloody trail behind Fang.

"Ahm gunna use it feh bait, oh coss!"

"B-bait? For wha..." Hope trailed off, seeing where Fang was headed.

He began to throw a fit.

"_OH MY― HOLY CRAP, FANG! YOU'RE INSANE! YOU'RE CRAZY! I KNEW IT, WITH YOUR CRAZY PULSIAN ACCENT― YOU'RE CRAZY! YOU ARE INSANE! NO, FANG, DON'T! DON'T THROW THE MEA― HOLY CRAP! DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU JUST DID, FANG? YOU SET A FREAKING BEHEMOTH KING ON US! YOU ARE COMPLETELY INSANE! YOU PULSIANS ARE ALL COMPLETELY INSANE, YOU, AND THAT CRAZY BARE-ASSED REDHEAD! INSANE! INSANE! HOLY CRAP, THERE'S A FREAKING MEGISTOTHERIAN HEADED THIS WAY, TOO! OH MY GOODNESS OH MY GOODNESS..._"

"Will yah fockin' _shuh uhp?_"

"_SHUT UP? NO, FANG, I WILL NOT EFFING SHUT UP! I'M GONNA DIE ANYWAY, SO THERE'S NO HOLDING BACK!_"

"Yah ain' gunna doy, faggeht!"

"_THERE ARE ONLY TWO OF US AND NO MATTER HOW STRONG WE ARE, WE'LL NEVER BEAT THOSE TWO!_"

"Shuh uhp, dipshit! Loynin's gunna cummowt as soon as wey foyt theys two, so bey _kwoyet!_"

Hope, meanwhile, was rocking back and forth in a fetal position, humming lullabies to himself.

"Oh Gohd, heys cracked..."

Fang walked toward Hope and gave him a hard kick in the thigh, toppling him.

"Oi, mate, look at thah," she said, pointing at the Behemoth King and the Megistotherian, who presently were fighting over the piece of meat.

Hope raised his head. "Huh...? W-what?"

"Lookah thah. Theh foytin'."

Hope rubbed his mammoth-sized eyes to make sure he wasn't hallucinating. "They're... fighting! And they're not even glancing at us!"

"Yup," Fang said proudly. "And so wey get a pre-emptav stroyk, and tons ah seepey, too!"

"Tons of what?"

"Seepey!"

"See... pey?" Hope repeated slowly.

"Oh Gohd, do yah rilly wanna go through this again, 'Ope?"

"Hey," Lighting said all of a sudden, coming out of nowhere.

"WHOA! Ehbahs an' Yuns, _yah fockin' sked thah livin' SHIT outta mey!_"

Lightning stared at her blankly. "_What?_"

"Oh fockin' damnit."

"Whatever," Lightning said, shrugging. "Anyway, Hope, tell me again why you morons decided to fight a Behemoth King and a Megistotherian? At the same time?"

"Fang," Hope mumbled.

"I knew it."

Less than a minute later, after defeating the two feral creatures, Lightning took out her crystal, only to have it snatched away by Fang.

"Hey― "

"Shuh uhp, Loynin! 'Ope needs yah seepey!"

"My what?"

"Wharevah!"

Fang grabbed Hope's crystal, then tapped it against Lightning's.

"Um, Fang..." Hope said uncertainly. "What are doing?"

"Transferrin' Loynin's seepey to you."

"You can't do that!" Lightning argued.

"Oh yeah? Wotch mey."

And they did.

For the next thirty minutes.

"Anthin' yet, 'Ope?"

"Nope, still 6600 CP."

"Damnit."

That was when Fang began to bang the rose-shaped crystal against the star-shaped one violently.

"Hey Fang― " Lightning warned.

"Fang!" Hope yelled. "You're gonna break th― "

_Ching_.

"Ehm... whoops."

* * *

><p>Ah, yes, <em>ching<em>. My failed attempt at a shattering sound.

BECAUSE I'M A REVIEW WHORE AND A COMPLETE BITCH, I declare the next chapter's review bar to be:

SEVEN!

There's gonna come a time that the reviews posted won't be enough and no one will ever be able to see the following chapter.

Hm... since I feel happy right now, I'll change the bar to SIX!

(But I will totally appreciate any extra reviews, BTW, so I beg of you, review all chapters if you haven't already, it won't take long)

THAH REVIEW REPLIES AND THANK YOUS:

Shaun Yun Farron (YES. HEAVILY ACCENTED FANG FTW. Watching Hope foam actually sounds kinda fun since you mentioned it... This is actually NOT a HopexLight fic, but meh, whatever XD)

X-27 (YES. I loved that part. NOPE. FOUR IS TOO SMALL A NUMBER, AND I DREAM BIG.)

Liz99 (Yes, I do surprise myself with my gloriousness sometimes, too.)

malefan (Pervert detected. XD But you're not alone, sir. You are not alone.)

HBHound [Second pervert detected (or third if I'm included) but I don't blame you. Fang's awesome. Hope _is_ a douchebag, but I love him anyway XD)

THANK YOU ALL! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

In the next chapter, Fang gives Hope an inkling of a molestation and Hope finally gets some bootay. XD

If I get a Russian Blue cat (my DREAM) I'm gonna name it, regardless of gender, Oerba Yun Fang.


	4. Preemptav Stroyks

LE FOURTH CHAPTAH!

I am extremely sorry for the delay; I've been busy watching a K-Drama XD

I got so many reviews for the previous chapter! *is 'appy*

Onward we go, because I'm sure you're all dying to see Hope getting some bootay.

Homer Simpson quotations FTW.

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><p>CHAPTER 4 - Pre-emptav Stroyks<p>

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><p>"A'ight, 'Ope, tuhday weh gunna train yah in the aht oh pre-emptav stroyks."<p>

Hope looked at Fang with his behemoth-sized eyes. She had spent the last hour staring intently into the distance, apparently thinking.

"Pre-emptive strikes?"

"Yes, 'Ope."

"That's supposed to be an art?"

Fang was outraged. "_Whot? Wotcha meyn, thahs saposed tah be an aht?_"

"Okay, sorry, it's an art, then. So, where do we start?"

"Oi. Rules fest. Fest, no deceptisowls, yah got thah?"

"No deceptisols. Gotcha."

"Secund, you... akchally, theh ah no otha rules. Okay! Weh set, then."

"Where do we start?"

Fang's eyes flashed suspiciously.

"Wey ah gunna stat... with some stahkez."

"..."

"..."

"I'm sorry, what?"

* * *

><p>"Are you sure, Fang?" Hope asked nervously; currently, he and the Pulsian were kneeling on the edge of a cliff overlooking a large number of stalkers.<p>

"Oh coss ahm shoo."

"I've never seen anyone get a pre-emptive on a stalker before, Fang."

"Then you'll be tha fest!"

"But, Fang, it's not safe..."

"_Noht sayf? _Theh just a boncha stahkez, theh aysy. An' besoyds, if you fayl, then wey can stat ovah. Theh ah loads of 'em."

"Well, I guess... are you sure stalkers are for beginners, though? Uh, shouldn't we start with something easier, like a Hoplite?"

"Hoployts? Thahs rich. Theh fockin' useless, an' besoyds, they _nevah_ go arawn in groups."

"Isn't that a good th― _AH!_" Hope yelled as Fang hauled him over the cliff.

Hope's fall was broken by something soft, slimy and cool. He took a look at his savior, and was horrified to discover it was a mess of verdant.

His suspicions were confirmed almost immediately.

Fang jumped from the cliff and landed neatly next to him. "Ah, well... ah lees yah got a pre-emptav stroyk."

* * *

><p>Later, when Hope was free of green slime, Fang voiced her next great idea.<p>

"A'ight, next wey get a pre-emptav on an adamantwoys."

"_WHAT?_ That's completely insane, not to mention impossible!"

"Wey ah gunna try it anyway, an' besoyds, nuthin's impossible foh ah Yun!"

Hope's colossal seafoam-green eyes dimmed considerably. "You... are... insane."

"In ah wold gone mad, ownley thah lunatics ah truley insayn."

"What? That didn't even make any sense!"

"Didinit? Ah, well."

Fang grabbed the back of his scarf again, dragging him toward an adamantoise who was peacefully sauntering by. She threw Hope three feet away from the animal's hind legs, and Hope gagged and choked violently on the spot for a good thirty seconds. In that time, the adamantoise had only covered a distance of 1.8 millimeters.

Shortly after recovering, Hope turned on Fang angrily, his large eyes flaring.

"_WHAT THE HECK? ARE YOU TRYING TO FREAKING KILL ME?_" Hope coughed out.

"No ah wasn'."

"_WHY'D YOU KEEP GRABBING MY SCARF THEN?_"

"Ah kent grab anyweh else."

"_YOU DON'T HAVE TO GRAB AT ALL!_"

Fang didn't reply, muttering something that sounded suspiciously like "pyubahty".

Hope looked at the adamantoise, who was four feet away, an incredible feat in such a short amount of time (note that its initial distance was three feet).

"Now what?"

"Well, yah troy tah get a pre-emptav stroyk on it, duh," Fang said.

"That's not possible, even if I use a deceptisol."

"Yah too clowz-moynded, 'Ope."

"You're insane!"

Fang sighed, then slid her fingers into the back of Hope's pants.

Hope went red instantly. "Fang! What're you― "

He didn't finish, because Fang's fingers closed around his waistband just then.

And she, holding on to his pants, threw him straight at the adamantoise's ass.

Hope's head collided with the animal's butt, where it got stuck.

Now, take a minute and try to put that image in your head: Hope Estheim's body sticking out of an adamantoise's anus.

Now you're imagining it.

Fang was seeing it.

The adamantoise was feeling it.

And Hope, bless him, was smelling it.

Hope kicked blindly, trying to pry his head out of the butt. The adamantoise, no doubt accepting the surprise as an unpleasant one, was presently running about at a hundred kph, occasionally hitting its hindquarters with its tail, trying to get the blockage out.

Fang watched, mesmerized.

"Well," she said after a while, "thah counts as a pre-emptav stroyk, so ah gess it's possible, then, eh?"

* * *

><p>You actually should consider yourself lucky. I made Fang's dialogue a bit more coherent here. My beta-readers must feel cheated.<p>

SO MANY REVIEWS! I'M SOOOOOO HAPPY.

I'll just post the following chapter when I feel like it, without any bar (TEN REVIEWS TEN REVIEWS TEN REVIEWS OR MOAAAARRRR).

The replies and thank yous:

malefan (Oh. I see what you did thar. XD)

Liz99 (Thank you, thank you~ Vanille appears in the next chapter, and Snow and Sazh in the... uh, after-the-next chapter.)

Jebus Creiss (Oh the image of Hope widdling himself XD Wait... o_O)

XxOerbaDiaVanillexX (You posted one review for all chapters. I feel cheated. AH I'M KIDDING, THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEW! :D)

Shaun Yun Farron (How come most of the people I meet on FFn can read fics in class? OTL That's actually a really good idea, the Eidolon thing... )

Deviljho's Hatred (Actually, there are no particular pairings here, just Fang-sensei and Hope Torture to make me happy XD)

mudkipknight (Why would I let dearest Hope die? LOL okay I have several times in the game, but whatever XD)

dazed-and-confused15 (Wow. Really? I'm... honored. *tears*)

BerzerkerKane71 [Yes. Exaggeration good. I don't think you're taking over my dialogue at all (ARE YOU, THOUGH?) and I really hope you find a replacement lung soon XD]

starlightserenity (Yes. The fact that this is actually how Hope is in the game is really sad. Overdone accents are awesome.)

and Oerba Yun Fang (I DON'T KNOW WHY BUT I FELT SO HONORED WHEN I SAW YOUR REVIEW o_O Vanille is the focal point the following chapter, so yay!)

Please post individual reviews for each chapter~ I'm not trying to be demanding here (_**NOT TRYING**_) but I am a seriously needy review whore. I can't help it. T^T

Hope is so insanely hot.

...

Yes.

I did just say that.

I got ideas for the next eight chapters (the most recently written chapter is the sixth) just by going over the game manual.

The next chapter deals with Hope's favorite person. XD


	5. Ehbah Dia Vaneyl

Um... hi.

Okay, first off, before you all lunge at me with a very sharp and dangerous object:

I'M SORRY FOR BEING GONE FOR SO LONG.

I've been busy with cats and family stuff and I lost my fanfic notebook and therefore couldn't type up the new chapter (or write more)...

But I found it, though, just now, and instantly opened FFn.

I'm pretty sure you'll all forgive me eventually.

Gawd, Eyeus maxima... what the hell was I on when I wrote this?

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 5 - Ehbah Dia Vaneyl<p>

* * *

><p>"Oi, 'Ope!"<p>

Hope felt a hard object collide with his side, jolting him awake. His _Eyeus maxima_ snapped open, and he swiveled around stupidly. "Huh? Wha? What? Who's dying?"

"Nobodey's doyin, moron."

"W-what's wrong then?"

"Ah desoyded tah test you leedahship skills tahday."

Hope's dishlike eyes sparkled slightly. "L-leadership?"

"Yep."

"Oh― cool!"

"Get outta bed."

Hope quickly shuffled out of his makeshift sahagin wing mat (courtesy of Fang) and straightened his scarf.

"Um, Fang?" he said. "How though? With Lightning― "

"Loynin' won' bey a problem," Fang said confidently.

Hope gasped, his large eyes widening and developing their own orbits. "W― Fang! Did you..." he trailed off, glancing at the sahagin wing Fang had savagely torn off the previous day with her bare hands.

"Whot? 'Eck no, yah rilly thot ad _do thah?_"

Hope gave a relieved sigh.

"Good... but how, then?"

"Ahkay, so weyv established yoh gunna bey thah leedah, ah lees foh tahday."

"Okay... but who's our third party member?"

Before Fang could respond, Hope gasped sharply; he had a terrifying guess, a guess that shook the very core of his being.

"Don't tell me, Fang, _please_ don't tell me it's― "

"Hiyah!"

"_OH MY GOD, FANG, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR F#$%ING MIND?_"

Oerba Dia Vanille's hands flew to her mouth, shocked at the words that Hope's mouth produced.

"_'Ope!_ Yah fockin' moron, an' yah tell meye not tah say bad wheds."

"Fang! Now cossing!"

"Yah tell it tah 'im, Vaneyl!"

Vanille nodded, and turned toward Hope, hands on her hips.

"Howp," she said sternly, "now cossin'!"

"_F#$% YOU VANILLE!_"

Vanille's hands flew to her mouth again.

"'Ope!" Fang yelled. "Langudge, yan fockin' vahjoyna!"

"_Fang!_"

"_SHUT THE F#$% UP, VANILLE!_"

"Howp!"

"Ah, Croyst, thah is annoyin'."

"_Fang, thahs mean!_"

"_OH GOD, SHUT UP, YOU REDHEADED PIECE OF S#&%!_"

"Hey!"

Fang meanwhile, was going through her carrier belt.

"_SHUT UP!_"

"Whya you so _mad?_"

"Because, Vanille, your voice is _effing annoyi― _"

"You ah _so_ _mean!_"

"And you're _so anno― _"

"Whot's _wrong with y― _"

Vanille's squealing and Hope's profanity-sprouting were both muffled by pieces of torn leather.

"Theh," Fang said. "Thall shot yah uhp."

* * *

><p>Later, when Vanille and Hope had settled their differences (with the help of Fang, who had pointed out that they <em>both<em> had very annoying qualities, and very helpfully enumerated them all), they decided to test Hope's leadership skills on an ectopudding some feet away.

"Ahkay, 'Ope, remembah whot ah told yah abou' pre-emptav stroyks."

"Okay, Fang."

"Good luck, Howp!"

Hope rolled his massive eyes. "Oh man that is an― ow, um, thanks, Vanille."

Fang smiled, hoping her elbow left a mark.

"No, thank _you_, Howp," Vanille replied. "An' you too, Fang! You will not _behlayv_ how creepey it wos tah hang 'round two ladge goys. I serussley thot I was gonna get _rayped!_"

Hope muttered something along the lines of, "illusive little slut."

Fang elbowed him again. "Ahkay, 'Ope, ah think wey need tah get stahted."

"Okay, Fang," Hope replied.

He waited for the ectopudding to turn around, and when it did, he rushed forward.

"A'ight, 'Ope, pre-emptav stroyk!"

"Yay Howp!"

"Yes!" Hope yelled. "Pre-emptive strike!"

He threw his Hawkeye at the ectopudding, and it hit home.

And stayed there, as well.

"Whot thah..."

"It's stuck!" Hope wailed miserably.

Vanille giggled just then, and Hope grabbed a nearby rock.

"_SHUT UP, YOU ANNOYING LITTLE― _"

"Faaang, _heeelp!_" Vanille screamed as Hope tackled her.

"Oh Gohd, _shuh uhp_, Vaneyl! Evan aym annoyed!"

Hope began to bang the rock against Vanille's head.

Fang rushed forward to pull them apart, but secretly slipped in hits to Vanille's face in the hopes she would just pass out.

Vanille screamed and struggled against the two, her pained squeals further increasing Hope's anger, Fang's annoyance, and her own chances of getting a concussion.

The ectopudding silently slid away, it and the weapon inside it long forgotten.

* * *

><p>Okay, there are three possibilities as to what you are thinking right now:<p>

"OMJAAAAAY! REVIEW! ALERT! FAVE! EVARYTHEEEEENG! IT'S LIKE THE BEST CHAPTER IN THE BEST STORAAAY EVAAAAAAR!"

"WHY DO YOU HATE VANILLE SO MUCH?"

"What the fuck did I just read?"

It's probably the last though, accompanied by either of the earlier two.

Vanille giggling innocently, other character gets annoyed, other character tackles Vanille, no one helps...

Sounds familiar, don't it? (myoneshotcatalystbtw)

I'll clarify again, I don't hate Vanille.

It just so happens I find her annoying and one of my beta-readers/best friends HATES her.

And therefore...

*sigh*

She's hard to please so I try as often as I can.

BUT ANYWAY it's really hard to write Vanille's lines. She goes Aussie accent one moment, then American the next, then Brit the next, AUGH IT'S CONFUSING.

It's even more confusing than Fang, and even Fang suddenly becomes articulate at times.

* * *

><p>REPLIES (even though this note is too long already)<p>

Shaun Yun Farron (I modified my original Fang lines in this chapter JUST FOR YOU. Awwww~ don't you feel special? :3)

malefan (For some reason I didn't disagree when you hinted I was a whore. The things KPop did to me... o_O So many biases...)

Anonymous (Yes. Yes it is indeed. XD)

NoBusinessHere (AWW thank you. Me izz flattered.)

Liz99 (You should feel bad for the adamantoise. He got it worse, much worse.)

BezerkerKane71 (Gawd I hope I haven't misspelled your name in previous replies. But anyway~ I do have an active imagination. I kind of wonder why there aren't any huge dung piles around Gran Pulse. OH NEW CHAPTER IDEA! Teehee... Hope's butt.)

AtronaV (It is a wonderful experience, is it not? YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY thank youzz.)

SoupieLuv (THANK YOU! Twaaaaahaha)

HBHound (Well I'm honored. XD)

XxOerbaDiaVanillexX (OH THANK YOU! Whaa yer all too kind. I hope you don't get offended with this chapter though. XP)

Jebus Creiss (Err... was I just flamed or... o_O I got cussed. Huh. I should've seen it coming though. Teehee mental images.)

THANK YOU TO YOU ALL WHO READ, REVIEWED, ALERTED AND/OR FAVED!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

* * *

><p>Listening to Sound of Music while typing is FUUUUUUUUUUN!<p>

Next chapter features Snow and Sazh, but only for a bit.


	6. Badass

Hello, hello, hello~

You might be wondering why I've been gone for more than a week.

Well, if you simply _must_ know, my internet connection bitched and only came back after we had left for a three-day trip. :/

The Sims 2 is a wonderful cure for internetless boredom.

Oh, and also, I upped Fang's level of incoherency in this chapter, because in the past few days I've been living off senseless rambling. I've actually spammed my own FB wall with "HURR DURR".

By the way, there is no intended homophobia here, just Fang hoping for godchildren. I'm sorry if anyone gets offended.

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 6 - Badass<p>

* * *

><p>"Umm... Fang?" Hope mumbled nervously, breaking the hour-long silence.<p>

Fang didn't flinch from the sudden interruption, and continued with what she had been doing the past 60 minutes, A.K.A. looking at Hope.

Hope sat on a mossy rock in the Vallis Media uncomfortably, mostly because of the fact that Fang was observing him like a terraquatic in a jar.

"Fang?" Hope repeated.

"Hm? Yes, 'Ope?" she replied absentmindedly.

Hope blinked, his great eyes tired from trying to keep up with the Pulsian's spooky, unblinking stare. "Why are you looking at me?"

"Hm... becoss yoh adowable," she said nonchalantly.

Hope blushed wildly, his gigantic eyes widening. "W-what?"

Fang didn't reply.

Hope took a moment to gather his bearings, then realized what she said was probably not why she was staring. "I know that's not why you're looking at me!"

Fang, finally, straightened up and blinked. "Yah. It's not. Yoh ah such a lilil genyuss, 'Ope."

"Well, why then?"

"Becoss, 'Ope, ah figad yah, despoyt thah physcal progress ahve 'elped yah with, well... hah do oy put this... yah still look loyk a fockin pusey faggeht."

Hope stood up, outraged. "Excuse me?"

"Mah point proven," Fang said, shrugging.

"Well, I guess... that did sound kind of gay."

"Rilly gay."

"So... what should I do?"

"Yah need tah look... badass."

_Him? Badass? Yeah, right, and I can effing fly. Humans, they're all always overreaching their potential,_ thought a lone munchkin passing by.

* * *

><p>After a couple more minutes of observation, Fang came to a stunning conclusion.<p>

"Ah got it! Hold on foh a bit, mate, ahll go get a few things," she said, running off.

Hope sat down, wondering why he didn't look badass enough.

_My gloves are pretty badass, aren't they? _he thought to himself. _And my shoes... on second thought, my shoes kind of look like what a preppy schoolgirl would wear*. My pants are badass, though... okay, no. But my shirt! It's black! It's totally badass!... Okay, maybe it's a little tight... Gosh, my jacket. What got into me that day, deciding to wear this jacket to somewhere as cool as Bodhum? And my hair does sort of remind me of a pixie..._

Amidst his fortifying reverie_, _he didn't notice Fang return.

"Oi, 'Ope!"

Hope looked up and saw a bundle of Pulsian-looking clothing in Fang's arms.

"Where'd you get those?"

"Ehbah!"

"What? You went all the way to Oerba in less than a minute?"

"'Ave yah evah hed offa Waystone, yah fockin' moron?"

"Oh, right, there's one up ahead, isn't there?"

"Duh."

"So, what do you have there?"

Fang showed him several saris, some underwear that embarrassed Hope quite a bit, several beaded accessories, a lot of fur, and suspicious-looking tools that reminded Hope of medieval forms of torture.

"These look like stuff you or Vanille would wear," Hope mused.

"So?"

"You're trying to make me badass, right?"

"Yah."

"Umm... okay, then."

* * *

><p>"I look like a total faggot," Hope concluded, horrified.<p>

"No, yah don't."

Hope stepped away from the water's edge, hoping that the disappearance of his reflection would change him back. "Look at me, Fang!"

"Yah look totally badass," Fang insisted.

Currently, Hope's hair had been put into a single spike at the top of his head (all those hours fighting flan paid off, considering the amount of transparent ooze in his hair), he was shirtless underneath a black sari with yellow and cerulean detail, he was wearing black wide-legged pants that fell past his sandaled feet, and his neck and arms were adorned with several chunky black-and-yellow accessories.

"I look even gayer than before!" Hope flailed.

"Yowah fockin' insayn, yah look terrific!"

"Look at this!" Hope yelled, gesturing to the yellow paraphernalia that rested on his hips. "What is this?"

"Tea leaf grindah," Fang said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Why would I want a tea leaf grinder on a weird-looking belt hanging off my waist?"

"Wha wouldnchoo? Yah Cacoon payple ah fockin' mad, ah don' undahstand how yah cud possibley wock arawn withat a tea leaf grindah."

"Well... where's yours?"

"Ovah heh," Fang answered, patting her carrier belt proudly. "Let it go, yah look foyn. Terrific, in fac', didncha heh whot oy sed eliya?"

"Whatever, just... never mind _this_"- he gestured to his outfit- "I'll just go and wear my old stu_― Fang. Where are my clothes?_"

"Ah dunno. Sumwheh."

"What do you mean _somewhere?_"

"Loyk... bottom of Atzilut's Tehs sumwheh."

"Bottom of _where?_"

"Ah didn' see much use foh 'em so oy did thah, yeesh, keep yah undahweh on."

"You did _what, Fang?_"

"Ah dumped them in tha pond."

"You what? _NO! My shoes will be ruined, my GLOVES! Oh gosh, Fang, my GLOVES will be ruined!_"

"Akchally, ah kept yah gloves. Theh pretty badass."

Hope sighed in relief. "Good... give them back, please."

"Whot? _NO!_ It'll ruin yah entaya ensemble!"

"You seriously think I'd walk around wearing this? No thanks!"

Hope reached for the gloves in Fang's hand, but she dodged him and began to run away.

"W_― Hey! Fang, wait! Come back!_" Hope yelled, chasing after her.

"Na-ah!"

"_Fang, this is ridiculous, you're being childish!_"

Fang replied with a boastful laugh and continued to run.

They ran past Snow Villiers and Sazh Katzroy, and in their haste failed to notice the two men.

"Was that... Hope?" Snow mumbled after several seconds.

"Ah... I think so."

"What was he _wearing?_"

"Ah don't know. Sazh gettin' too old for this crap."

Snow looked at the pseudo-Pulsian, now a good dozen feet away. "Well," he said after a bit, "he looked pretty badass."

* * *

><p>WHEW. THANK GOD THAT'S OVER.<p>

*Who's played Tekken 6 here? You'll notice Xiaoyu has a pair of shoes VERY similar to one Hope wears.

And who's played Uncharted 2 here? I swear, Chloe sounds exactly like Fang. My little sister actually called Chloe "Fang" in the first half of her appearance in the game. o_O

Oh, and I might not be able to update often, because school's coming up. On second thought, maybe I'll end up writing more chapters now that I have lectures I need distraction from... ||D

* * *

><p>REPLIES:<p>

chibifangirl08 (YOU BITCH. ALL THESE GODDAMN CHAPTERS AND YOU ONLY POST A REVIEW _**NOW?**_ I SERIOUSLY HATE YOU. And also, I'll give your pencil back on the 23rd, kkk? XD Go be happy with _Allen~ _:3 You're meant to be, don't even try to deny it.)

Shatorio (Just put her in the other party, I suppose. XD)

Shaun Yun Farron (ERRKAAAY. I try to post as soon as I can, but apparently that isn't quite enough. XD)

BerzerkerKane71 (Well, sorry I disappointed you. And as for the OOC with Hope and Fang, this is a crack fic, and to me OOCness is one of the major elements of a crack fic. It was bound to happen sometime. And if you seriously thought everyone would get along, I'll just remind you that there were death threats from chapter one. And in my frame of mind Fang wasn't trying to kill Vanille, just trying to knock her unconscious as a form of mercy. But whatever, I'll try not to get Vanille physically raped in the future. XD)

Liz99 (Well, thank you. *bows*)

DemonChick344 (OH HAI. Fang's the best XD)

HBHound (I'm pretty positive you weren't alone in that aspect XD)

SoupieLuv (You did? O.O Well, I'm happy to have been the driving force of that XD)

malefan (That's a pretty good idea, and lucky, too, because my draft for chapter seven has Big Al and Hammy in it XD)

OintmentJar (... I didn't get much of what you intended to say there. But thanks! No, Fang and Vanille's accents are actually pretty easy to follow, especially with subs, I just really like exaggeration XD)

Oerba Yun Fang (Oh hai. Am schorry choo not hab replaid in soo long. Yeah... must be the pen name. *scratches head* I'm schorry to hab distracted you from yer OTP. XD)

* * *

><p>So many XDs, so many line breaks, so little time to watch Sungkyunkwan.<p>

I LOVE SONG JOONG KI.


	7. Holay Crap

Err... hi.

Yeah, so I've been gone for... *checks* A MONTH? NO WAY, THAT LONG?

And all I've got to show for it all is a single stupidly long chapter.

FUUUUCK.

And I'm basically half-dead right now, because my mother **_banned KPop._**

Like seriously.

What the f!

Good thing I still have other fandoms to fall into... otherwise I'd be a vegetable. Like my sister, who lives on KPop alone.

Anyway, I got the idea for this chapter from malefan! Yay!

So enjoy, and try to rebuild your brain tissues in time for the next chapter (which might take a while).

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 7 - Holay Crap<p>

* * *

><p>"Oi!" came Fang's voice one sunny Pulsian morning, accompanied by a hard slap to the back of Hope's head.<p>

"Aah!" Hope yelled as he fell with a loud thud.

Lightning glanced in his direction with an eyebrow raised, then shrugged and continued with the list she had been making, which read:

_PROS (we-can-do-it)_

_-We all have eidolons_

_-We all have crystals_

_-We all have long legs_

_-We have an afro guy_

_-We have something to fight for_

_-Hope has trap potential_

_CONS (we'll-all-die-anyway)_

_-We're fighting fal'Cies_

_-If we save Cocoon, we'll turn into hideous monsters doomed to eternity_

_-If we fulfill our Foci, we'll turn into living statues doomed to eternity_

_-We're doomed to eternity_

_-We'll die sooner or later_

_-The Shiva sisters are PMSing_

_-The enemies also have long legs_

_-Saving Serah would mean letting that blond hillbilly marry her_

_-Orphan's Cradle sounds _really_ far away_

Hope pushed himself off the ground and looked at Lightning. Thinking she didn't notice, he gave a relieved sigh and turned to Fang.

"What was _that_ for?"

"Yah kent possibley _noht_ bey aymyun tah thah by now."

"What? Why not?"

"Ah do thah ev'ryday!"

"Oh, okay..." Hope glanced at Lightning to check if she was out of earshot. "Um, Fang, what do we do today?"

"With wha?"

"The... you know... _program_."

"Ah! Thah getcha-badass-on program, emma royt?"

"Ssh!" Hope hissed urgently. "Yeah, that."

"Oh, well, uh..." Fang trailed off, tapping her chin thoughtfully. After a few minutes, she declared, "Aha! We ah gunna len Holay!"

"Um... what?"

"Holay!"

"K-Koolaid?"

"Whot the fock?"

"Sorry!"

"Holay."

"Ho... lay? Lay ho...?"

"Yah fockin' pehvet."

"What? Why― oh."

"Whotevah, it's Holay."

"Holay... like, whole A or...?"

"Holay!"

"Hooray...?"

"HO. LAY."

"... I'm sorry?"

"HOLAY!"

"Hole lay..."

"Gohd fockin' damnit."

"Can you just write it down?"

"Foyn. Gimme yo ahm."

"I have a pen―"

Fang took out something that greatly resembled a scalpel.

_"HEY WHAT THE HECK?" _Hope yelled, withdrawing his arm.

"Whot?"

"What were you gonna do?"

"Cottin tah yo ahm, oh coss!"

_"WHY?" _

"Whot didya want mey tah do? Yah sed tah royt it dahn!"

_"WHY WERE YOU GOING TO CARVE IT INTO MY ARM?_"

"Foyn, yah vahjoyna."

Fang stabbed a passing Goblin Chieftain in the eye and began carving into its flesh while its subordinates wheeled away, terrified.

Hope proceeded to throw up behind a rock. When he finished, he approached Fang, who had just finished craving four loopy symbols into the leathery carcass.

"I have a pen, you know," Hope said in a matter-of-factly tone. "You could've just written it down on a leaf or something."

"Yah, but wheh's thah fon in thah, royt?"

"Murderer."

"Faggeht."

"Can I see that?"

Fang held up the mutilated goblin.

"Oh..."

"So can wey staht?"

"Um, Fang?" the boy said, his gigantic green eyes filling with fear, "I can't read Pulsian."

* * *

><p>OH DID YOU REALLY THINK IT WAS OVER? HAHA, FAT CHANCE. A MONTH OF ABSENCE. A MONTH.<p>

* * *

><p>A concussion and two eidolon summons later, Fang and Hope stood in a field with Bahamut and Alexander.<p>

As Fang delivered a painfully detailed but incoherent speech on 'Holay', the two eidolons stood in the background, talking amongst themselves.

"Long time no see, Al," Bahamut greeted cheerfully.

"Bahamut," Alexander said in a constipated tone, "the only pseudonyms you may call me by are my honorifics, or Lex or Xander. Otherwise you will just have to address me by my full name."

"Ah, but your name and your nicknames are so damn long, man! Al only has one syllable!"

"So does Le―"

"Oh, shut up, man, just shut up. I let Fang call me Hammy, and I have to admit it actually makes me feel good about myself. What about you, what does your kid call you?"

"Alexander, which is good because it denotes due respect―"

"I thought he called you 'big guy'."

"Only when he's cheeky."

"It annoys you, doesn't it?"

_"So damn much, it hurts."_

Bahamut chuckled. "You sure lucked out, Al. I have Fang, Tony's got Vanille riding him every other week, Odin's got that pink chick, the Shivas have some man-meat to fight over, and you know Hilde's got a thing for black guys."

"My life sucks."

"Bet you wished you had a girl for a l'Cie counterpart, eh?"

"Why? I already have a girl," Alexander replied sorrowfully.

Bahamut broke out into fits of hysterical laughter and fell to the floor clutching his sides as Alexander looked on morosely.

"Oi, Hamey! Whotcha morons blabberin' 'bout ovah theh?"

"Oh, nothing dear, just... catching up," he choked out, wiping his tears.

"Well, keep it dahn!"

"I swear to the Maker, Bahamut, I will effing cut you," Alexander threatened silently.

"Sounds a little dark for Mr. Holy."

_"Shut up!"_

Meanwhile, Fang and Hope were making excellent progress.

"Okay, so..." Hope said, struggling to comprehend, "... what you're going to teach me is called Holy?"

Fang facepalmed.

"A'igh', Sandy, get ovah heh," she called to Alexander.

Alexander's face paled, his self-esteem hitting rock-bottom. "S-Sandy?"

Bahamut fell to the floor again.

"Taych 'Ope ovah heh thah baysics of Holay."

"...okay," the great Judgment whimpered.

* * *

><p>As Alexander explained and demonstrated Holy spells to Hope, who sat on his shoulder, Fang threw bottles of Ethersol in their direction to keep the summon in their dimension.<p>

Bahamut had long since left, his appearance completely insignificant and unnecessary.

Fang reached into her carrier belt and felt around for another bottle, but came up short.

"Um... oi, 'Ope, ah think yah bettah geroff 'im soon!"

"Huh? What did you say, Fang?" Hope yelled from atop Judgment.

"Geroff 'im!"

"What? I can't hear y―"

That was when Alexander's Gestalt expired, and he blasted off into space with a very unlucky Hope in tow.

"Ah crap," Fang said.

"Was that Hope?" Lightning asked, popping out of nowhere.

"Oi, Loynin', weh 'ave yah been?"

"Over there. I finished my list."

"Lemme see. Why do thah cons tayk up thah rest of thah payges?"

"Because we'll die anyway," Lightning answered nonchalantly.

"Whotevah. How dawey get 'Ope back?"

"We could always summon Alexander again."

"But 'Ope's got thah crystal."

Lightning took the list and crossed off the last 'pro'.

* * *

><p>OKAY, SO UMM...<p>

Oh there's food.

Gotta hurry with this note shit.

OH RIGHT, THE REPLIES.

* * *

><p>A MILLIOGAJILLIONALISMIC THANKS TO:<p>

Liz99 (When I saw him, I thought he had fangirling potential.)

OerbaFarron (HURR THANKS FOR THE RELENTLESS STREAM OF REVIEWS. I agree with everything you said. XD You kind of sound like one of my friends.)

HBHound (Urm yeaaaah... it's my brother's PS3, so I'm not sure he'll be very happy if... yeah. Lightning just did, I guess...? XD)

malefan (O RLY? Prolly cuz Vanille's in thar too. XD)

Jebus Creiss (Holay shit, all of that made sense to me.)

chibifangirl08 (YES. YES I CHANGED FANG'S LINES, YOU USELESS BETA. YOU'RE NOT EVEN A BETA, YOU'RE MORE LIKE A... FIRST COME FIRST SERVE READER. I EDIT MY OWN SHIT, WHY I CALLED YOU A BETA I WILL NEVER KNOW. AND YOU'RE TOTALLY MEANT TO BE. Goddamnit I miss you.)

BerzerkerKane71 (Hm... yeah. You should really stop ripping out your own organs, otherwise Undertaker's gonna come and violate them. But thanks!)

SoupieLuv (I tried to draw Hope in his badass outfit... epic fail. I cannot visualize what I wrote. At all.)

That There's Your Baloney (Yeah I screwed up yer name on purpose. XD Sorry! YOUR COMMENTARY IS SO PFFTING AWESOME.)

Oerba Yun Fang (OH DEAH, THAH SEEPEY! Pfft. XD OH RIGHT THE CRAZY-ASS SERAH. I FORGOT. WILL WORK ON THAT.)

Sandanio (I tried reading her lines in Irish... it worked. Damn. Well, it's all about your imagination, anyway. If you wanna read it in Irish, THEN BY ALL MEANS, READ IT IN IRISH. BE FREE. *sings 'Free' from Barbie in The Princess & The Pauper*)

* * *

><p>Don't expect many updates soon.<p>

Goddamn junior year, turning me into a vegetable.

YOU KNOW THE DRILL, READ, REVIEW, FAVORITE, DRAW RANDOM PICTURES OF SEBAS-CHAN, READ SEBACIEL SHOUNEN-AI, LISTEN TO SEBAS BEFORE SLEEPING.

Ahahahaha... the second half was my drill. Whoopsh. XD

DERP SEBAS FTW!

Edit: I looked through the entire thing again, and wow did I cuss excessively. I must've been in a really bad mood that day. I mean, cussing is nice and all, but it just looks a tad unpleasant when it's blowing up in your face every two sentences. And I can't really have an M-rated story just because I blew f-bombs on the ANs. Plus, I gave so much effort into making sure the story itself was devoid of any uncensored cusswords! So I'll be removing some of the filth from my ANs, and make my stories a happier, cleaner place.

But I won't be removing _all_ of the cusswords.

I'm not that saintly.


End file.
